Mrs. Sławka

Sławka was growing up in a child care home, conflict-free, submitting to the rules and regulations. This was her first HOME. She attached herself to other aunts, caregivers and educators. Till now she remembers their surnames, she has pleasant memories. She had friends with whom they were lying on the beds for hours, babbling and laughing at anything. She knew that somewhere there are her mum, dad, brother and two sisters. At school she was an average pupil, but she passed from class to class.

Only getting up has always been a problem. „Sławka, get up!” was not enough, it was necessary to get the covers off her and stand like an executioner over a good soul. 

In a next child care home she was with her sister Zosia. Their brother visited them often. Years later, Zosia will become very seriously mentall ill, she won’t be able to function independently, at the age of 35 she will go to a 24-hours residential care home. With her brother Sławka is close till now, although he lives abroad. He helped arrange the exchange of an apartment, renovated it and supported Sławka financially.

After primary school Sławka went to 3-year vocational school. Here it was the hardest. She overslept to school, for apprenticeships, during lessons she was distracted, had low marks. 

She went to work for a short time, but employers were not as understanding as aunts and teachers. Being late for work for several hours was unacceptable. 

Because Sławka has always been suffering from obsessions. Every single action she must repeat many times to make herself sure, that she did it right. Not many times, countless times. She dresses for hours, smoothing each fold, combs for hours, patting one sticking out strand and washes for hours, because there is an unwashed spot somewhere. 

A child care home is not a home for young adults, you need to become independent, because everyone knows that “everywhere is good, home is best”. She got a modest social flat in a tenement house, a child care home and her brother helped her arrange it. For the first time in her life, Sławka sat on her bed, put clothes in her wardrobe, and for the first time in her life she had her own HOME. And then the difficulties appeared. 

In the new house it was quiet, empty, lonely, there was no one to open his mouth to. Nobody talked about what time to get up, nobody sat down to the table with Sławka, in the evening nobody turned off the light with the order "Girls, sleep, don't talk". Nobody wanted to employ her, she lived on a social pension. When she visited her parents, the most common question was, "Did you bring cigarettes?”. The friends from a child care home had more or less successful independent lives, relationships, children, work, they did not have time to lie on their beds for hours, babbling and laughing at anything. Then the symptoms of schizophrenia appeared. 

Hospital. One stay, a second, a third. At the hospital, Sławka was getting better, she made acquaintances, friendships, she had someone to talk to. And then an exit to home, because "everywhere is good, home is best". 

When Sławka was 28, she joined Friends of Disabled Society. Not only hospital was a place where she had people around her. She spent a long time in a 24-hour center in Jedlicze, secured flats in Łódź and in a training flat for several people.Everyone tried to rehabilitate her, make her independent, activate, and restore her to a natural, non-institutional environment, because “everywhere is good, home is best”. 

For many years she was a participant of a day support center. She liked to be there, liked people and people liked her. As long as she was there. Activities in a day support center end at 4 pm, she often came at 3.45 pm, freshly washed, dressed and combed, with a perfectly packed backpack. She got up at 8, she was preparing herself to leave for 7 hours. 

The district social worker couldn't understand that her much-needed carer couldn't come 2 times a week for 2 hours at 4:00 pm to help with the cleaning and washing, but she had to be there for half an hour every day at 7:00 am to pick up Sławka from the bed and persuade to exit. After the first visit, the carer understood. She had to had the great willpower to answer every day “Get up, get ready, they are waiting for you”, when Sławka kept asking “Sit next to me, we'll talk, we'll laugh at just about anything”. In a day support center and secured flats it was hard too, not everyone was forgiving, some didn’t understand that duties with which others handle within an hour, she is doing for many hours. She, too, was often not satisfied with the results of cleaning up done by roommates. How could she be when she is never satisfied even with her cleaning? 

Sławka used to say: “I don't feel like living anymore, I'm fed up with myself and my being so slow. It’s impossible tolive with it. I don’t feel good in my house, I don't want to live alone. Help me!" 

All the people taking care of Sławka where opposite. “What?! 46 years and a residential care home?! She’s too young, she we’ll manage. Many years of our work will be wasted?” But finally, someone looked at Sławka's difficulties, focused on her needs, and concluded that not for everyone HOME means the same thing. Someone realized that Sławka needed less her own space, complete independence, living according to her principles, and more a sense of community, belonging, even a certain dependency. That Sławka wants to have people around her every day who know and understand her, who will say: "You're ready, come play volleyball". 

Soon after her 46 birthday she started living in a residential care home. Friends from the day support center made her a big birthday cake, then by chance the Chairman of the Supreme Chamber of Control, a many years’ friend of Friends of Disabled Society, with his counterpart from Lithuania, visited the center, they were hugged by Sławka, served with a cake and asked for a commemorative photo. Now this photo is in a frame on her bedside table. 

Sławka is happy. As always talkative, sociable, active, athletic, she looks 20 years younger than she is. She visits her friends, calls her brother, comes to the day support center (she always knows when there is a barbecue or a dance party!). 

Because it’s true that “everywhere is good, home is best”, but HOME for everyone means something different.